The Guest List, Vetted

By Charlie

I guess it’s exciting to be turning 30 in Mongolia. But the fact that this is, after all, Mongolia brings some complications to party planning.

Rachel and I have been thinking about this for months. First we thought that we’d spend a lot of money and turn the birthday celebration into an overnight retreat to Mongolia’s nicest ex-pat lodge. When we realized that this was beyond our means, we started to think about our options in UB. Yesterday we booked the Khublai VIP Room at the Grand Khan Irish Pub for three hours on Saturday.

It took me and four Mongolians about two hours to translate the party invitation. This exercise reminded me why nothing gets done in Mongolia. Three of these people are college educated and the fourth is a very smart guy. Even so, they all had different ideas about how to express the particulars of this invitation in Mongolian.

The translation team objected to a party that is only three hours long and made numerous off-color jokes about the strip teases that should be performed and the prostitutes that should be available. Halfway through this conversation, I was thankful that the party would be only three hours and that it would not be in our apartment.

Tonight I fulfilled a promise to Moogii (of heart attack fame) by calling her to let her know the particulars of the party. Moogii wanted to know all of this so that she could inform Jargal, the high rolling police official who took me tank driving last fall.

Jargal is, of course, a great guy. We formed an instant bond last fall when I went to his office to pick up my Mongolian driver’s license. A few weeks later, we spent a day driving tanks and shooting automatic weapons. It was great. (Read all about it by CLICKING HERE. You will need username: mongolia and password: mongolia.)

But Jargal is having a hard time these days. The problem, you see, is that Jargal is hopelessly corrupt. I am unable to follow the Mongolian press, but Jargal has apparently been accused of committing numerous indiscretions. I asked Moogii about this a few months ago and she explained it like this: “Charlie, the police make very little money, so what’s wrong with a little corruption?”

Indeed. Plus, Jargal’s a really great guy.

I told Moogii all about the party and she asked me how many Mongolian people would be there. This is a usual question and Moogii has asked it every single time I have invited her to anything. She hates being the only Mongolian at a party. Unfortunately, it is impossible to say how many Mongolians will be in any given place at any one time. Mongolians do not plan and they definitely do not RSVP.

“Moogii, I have no idea how many Mongolians will be there. Maybe 20.”

“Okay,” she said. “But Charlie, listen, Jargal does not want to see very many Mongolians. Who will be there?”

Without missing a beat, I reviewed the guest list. Moogii said “okay” or “that’s no problem” as I worked down the list of Mongolians – people from the Asia Foundation, friends from Rachel’s work, MIAT people and a few others.

She confirmed: “No police people and no politicians, right?”

“Right.”

“Okay,” said Moogii. “He can come.”

The next question is this: Will either of these two characters actually show up?